Wait, am I alone?

I received many questions about my two-month mission internship to Budapest, and they all headed in the same direction.

Are you excited?

What will you be doing?

Where is your team?

Who is going with you?

Wait… You’re going alone…???

But I wasn’t worried about going by myself. I was excited. Part of it was the adventure, but I also had faith in God’s plan. If this is what He called me to, then I could trust in His goodness, His presence, and His provision. And I wasn’t going to be alone, not in the process or on the field. My church community rallied beside me as I prepared, and I was to be joining an amazing team in Hungary with a few people I already knew. When I boarded my first flight, I was joyful. I hugged my family goodbye and took off towards that plane with a pep in my step.

However, after 14 hours of travel, I wasn’t feeling so chipper anymore. I tried to make a few phone calls to friends and family, but the service cut out on me enough times to keep me from trying again. At one point though, I talked to a friend on a mission trip in Amsterdam. They were sent with a whole team and that is all I could focus on. I knew I was joining a team, but I was still embarking alone to stay with strangers for two months.

I sat in the airport bitter. I needed the encouragement my friends were experiencing by going together. I was lonely, but I had no one with me to confide in about how hard this was hitting me. And we already covered how the phone calls weren’t working. I was exhausted and I simply wanted to grab a cup of coffee or use the bathroom without having to drag all my luggage with me into the restroom. (That’s what you resort to when there’s no one to watch over your things.)

And so, the suitcases that I had been so excited to pack became a burden. The passport I was excited to get stamped became an annoying part of shuffling through my things with a line behind me. I couldn’t understand why I had to do this alone. I kicked the attitude and trust I had in God when I boarded my first flight out the door with a grumpy humph for good measure. Feeling defeated, I was jealous, exhausted, and dragged down.

But God is good. He is a shepherd who hears the cry of his flock. I was reminded of this when I saw my team. Familiar faces greeted me, and I was overwhelmed with relief. One by one they embraced me in a hug, took my bags, and carried the weight off my shoulders.

Just as Jesus does for us. God gently reminded me that it is He who cares for me. I was never alone. I just neglected to trust in His plan, His presence, and His goodness.